This letter correction focusses only on the grammar issues. Remember, we are not focussing on any other areas of this letter than grammar!
09 July, 2017
Ms Nina Gill
Cardiac Rehabilitation Centre
41 Jones Street, Adelaide
Dear Ms Gill,
Re: Ms Kylie Weiss, 65 years
Ms Weiss, who is being discharged to your care for continue of care and management. She is recuperating after an angioplasty.
- In 99% cases, we do not use a comma before “who”.
- The “who” is not required here.
- Discharged → transferred
- Continue → continuity of care
Ms Weiss has been admitted two days ago with a definitive symptoms of myocardial infraction, and her investigations confirmed the diagnosis. Thus, she underwent the aforementioned surgery and her pain was managed with injection morphine. During hospitalization, cardiac exercise and a low cholesterol diet were initiated. Currently, she made a good prognosis.
- Has been admitted → was admitted (because there is a time reference. Write in simple past when the past time is mentioned)
- No need of “a” before “symptoms” which is plural.
- Infraction → infarction (Spelling)
- Investigations confirmed → investigations have confirmed (action is open)
- Were initiated → have been initiated (Action is open)
- She made → She has made (Open action + has)
- Prognosis → Progress (We cannot make a prognosis)
A taxi driver, Ms Weiss is living with her husband, who is an aged pensioner. She follows a sedentary lifestyle and her diet includes excess sugar and takeaway food.
- Is living with → Lives with (why lives?)
- No need of that comma before “who”
- The second sentence stands “apart”. An appropriate “filler” like, “please note,” will make better!
Pertaining to Ms Weiss’s medical history, she is overweight with BMI of 29 and had a history of mild asthma and osteoarthritis along with dyslipidemia. Please note that, she has a family history of coronary artery disease.
- Ms Weiss’s → Ms Weiss’ (If the word already ends in s or ce, there is a different rule)
- You have already said the patient is overweight! So, why to mention the BMI that also refers to the same?
- Had a history → Has a history (History is past but you have it in present.) Learn More
- No need of a comma after that. Either “please note + comma” or “Please note that + no comma.”
In view of the above information, it would be greatly appreciated if you could ensure Ms Weiss’ compliance with risk factors management such as weight loss, low cholesterol and medication the chart of which has been enclosed with this letter. Kindly arrange a visit with a social worker to assess the eligibility of sickness allowance as she was advised to refrain from work for next 6 weeks. It is important to arrange an occupational therapist to provide an education regarding MI and its management.
- Greatly is not needed.
- Risk factors management → Risk factor management
- Weight loss is not a management. You can write “Weight reduction…”
- Low cholesterol → Lowering cholesterol
- An education → No need of “an.”
- MI → Better write myocardial infarction…
Do not hesitate to contact me if you have further queries.
- Prefix “Please” or “Kindly” to make this request polite…”
- Faithfully → Sincerely, (If you start the letter by addressing the recipient by name, we write “sincerely.” Otherwise, “faithfully,”